Clean

You’ve dropped the hot potatoe. Congratulations !

Now you’ve stopped giving some moral standing to a despicable individual, who needed you to hide his/her true personality from the world.

Be very proud to be out of there as those demons need kind and lovable humans to conceal their own lack of humanity (empathy).

Now your human qualities will resolutely be in the service of noble purposes.

Bringing to light, providing help, preventing damage.

And that’s not a revenge from defeated persons. Don’t feel a sense of humiliation anymore, as negative thoughts and the negative feelings they generate are mere induction of negativity that originates with disturbed individuals. Your mind was sick with this pathogenic elements that are not naturally present in your innocent heart. Now you’re clean.

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Unclosed gestalt 2

Whether I haven’t felt the emotions that were required, at the time where the agression was inflicted on my nervous system during my teenage years, is a question that remains not clearly answered.

A child cannot not love parents that have loved them, whatever the psychological violence and toxic chaos in the family.

So I haven’t felt the anger that would probably have extricated me out of the emotional mess of a situation for which I was in no way responsible…

With the following obvious consequences :

– an extreme and numbed sensitivity, accompanied by shame, a sense of deep inadequacy and an erratical anger, more self-agressive than not, provoked too easily and much too violent in the personal affective field, for as long as a decade after those teenage years.

– a powerlessness to close properly a conflictual event without extreme measures,

– a deeply ingrained sadness and dark distrust in any natural entitlement to a happy life – underlying eternal hidden depression ?

– the sacrifice of deep needs on the altar of eternal fears in a masochistic commission.

Not a hardliner in fact as has always remained the hope to make a happy life.

I agree that the borderline tendancies that result from childhood wounds can be treated, especially when they were experienced at a late period of childhood. Rather than treated : curbed, tamed, put to sleep, forgotten etc by a continuous series of strokes of luck or rewards. I consider myself to have been lucky. Everyone is lucky at times whether he wants it or not.

As I understand one of Dala├» Lama’s suggestion, a positive emotion to counter the negative one, like using an antidote to neutralize the poison. Positive emotions from positive events or well thought out actions.

I believe that reasoning skills (and surely other skills as well) also help to understand the dark mecanisms and out of the mud of these child night terrors. Practicing cognitive behavioral therapy without knowing it…

Can the path from there on be made practical ? Should we be able to manage better and better situations of this sort from then on ? I don’t believe so. My humble experience has showed me that I would ever react to such situations with overwhelming emotions, tamed externally but burning inside. Encounters with the cluster B type will always tend to activate an oversized and self-detrimental defense system, even if in an reduced way.

Nobody stays forever the same with a petrified mind, safe the pathological ones. But what doesn’t kill us doesn’t make us stronger there. It changes us, that’s all.

Let’s ensure hope remains. The best impulse.

Jose Maria Mijares

Stop your mind

Either by watching the beauty of nature or a beautiful work of art, you allow your heart to cover the mind’s agitation or a deep consciousness of the luck of being alive, so far from what life appears to be.

I use the website mutualart.

I’m also very appreciative of the beauty of flowers as far as I remember from the age of 5.

Poetic writing has also spoken right to what I call my heart, which is what survives whatever happens.

I sometimes visualize my grandfather Abel in his vineyard. I can feel what he felt there. I empathize with how he suffered from the difficulties of his life but also with the peace he had within himself. He passed away a long time ago. He was a very kind man.

Loved hatred

Thought after listening to Mantak Chia on Conscious TV :

Are negative energy/emotions – anger, hatred … – as necessary as the positive ones – love, kindness… – ?

Is the interaction between the two where vitality takes its source ?

Provided that you don’t get trapped and drowned in the extreme…

Longin Szmyd

Happy

In the past some of us had to put up with some of those narcs their whole lives. Thanks to divorce, thanks to geographical mobility, thanks to the access to our own jobs, we can get physically out of dark situations.

In the past, we were prisonners of silence and shame. Thanks to the www we’re free of shame and loneliness.

In the past we were lost in our empathy, struggle and dispair. Now we’ve found our masculine side to follow the path of a decent and happy life.

Felix

Out

There are always doors out of our eternal mental prisons.

We just need to get rid of fears to take a step and open them.

Sarantis Karavouzis

Fight against or towards ?

After anger and sadness come acceptation, indifference and equanimity. Wether I will one day reach full indifference towards narcs is still a question. A local fight from a place of a quieter and more humble and humorous mind is probably the most rational direction. A black and white point of view isn’t close to a complex reality and the wider world as I see it.

Altogether it’s about our ability as parents and adults to raise children as decent human beings and the ability as a community to be vigilant, to contain deviance and harmfulness which needs courage, energy, involvement and collective intelligence. Probably somewhat a purpose for me. Hope for a good world.

Joseph Nattar

Strength

When I’ve stepped out of my pride, and of that sense of being wounded, which was real in an emotional way, I’ve progressively realized, with a spoon of intellectual honesty and with determination, that I had nothing to lose and fear, provided that I took the necessary action in order to take care of myself. I appreciate the strength that life implants in all forms that it takes. Strength is not harshness.