Got their number

narcs don’t waste time with people once these people come to knowing who they are. They often run away, either in the literal sense or in the figurative one, as children afraid of punishment, or retaliate in a capricious attitude before they run away. Let them go. There’s nothing more to it.

As on a tight-slope walk, you’d better keep moving.

Sometimes they eventually come back, when they need you, believing you’re ready to be tricked again or have forgotten about the previous BS. They’re really impaired creatures, who failed to learn the basic rules of proper interpersonal relationships.

Beware at the very beginning those charming facial expression of innocent children.

No

The power of saying “no” for the love of yourself,  knowing the reasons and sticking to it.

That’s what kind and loving people have to learn. Why is it si difficult ?

Break The Chains & Stop Expecting Anything Good From People Who Choose To Do Evil

As far as I remember, I’ve never been delusional regarding character disordereds. I pretty soon saw them for who they were. Although I’ve always been endlessly surprised such personalities where indeed possible, trying to find meaning there, I have never expected a change to occur. So accepting that as inescapable fate, I’ve nonetheless got stuck in this quest of a meaning and a struggle towards proving mostly to myself that they were wrong.

I’ve recently subtly moved forward, admitting I had a problem with that need to establish they were wrong. In the long term it’s intellectually a wrong strategy but life isn’t only intellectual ; it’s a set of potentialities and outcomes and its obvious a narc strategy allows some to reach other equilibriums.

A sense of injustice probably stemmed from intense fear as a child, witnessing threats, desperation and destruction of life’s beauty in my eyes. I was a child, dependant. As adults we are free. Whatever the appearance, the threats and the beliefs, we shouldn’t be fearful of a huge loss to occur. Noone can deprive us of the beauty of life.

Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

break-every-chain

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Neuroglaciation

The lack of communal/feminine traits is a hole narcs desperately try to fill with people they corner into a 0% agentic/masculine profile. A path at the opposite of the natural psychological growth Jung described. Their pattern is a dead-end in the same way some areas are shrinked in their brain.

The hole, the lack they should fill on their own, they seem not to be able to. It really appears there’s a circuitry deficiency : growing and finding an inner fulfillment is out if reach. The easiest path maybe (S PECK).

narcs really should be seen with compassion, as hard as it may seem, as despicable the consequences may appear, as they’re badly mentally stuck and it tends to mentally rot into psychosis while aging, with the boiling hate within. With an agressive personality not compensated for, it can turn hard to live while aging.

3 of them I’ve “observed” for 40 years. A mix of narc psychopath borderline histrionic paranoiac,  now in their 70s or 80s. One of them was spoilt at a young age, another one abused, the 3rd one rather neglected. In all cases, a healthy rigorous education has been lacking and there were  pervading stupidity and pathological setup in surrounding relationships. I can’t believe these 3 individuals couldn’t have grown differently. Neuroplasticity…

Now they’re spots of calcification at which we happen to aggregate for the worse. One never married, abused his parents and now lets everything around sink with him. The second one destroyed his marital life out of entitlement and put his wife through auto-immune diseases, is still promiscuous and self-victimizing, wanting no strings attached, proud of feeling nothing towards women. The last one’s husband committed suicide out of lack of affective support. We know them by their fruits.

The second one is rather borderline, with secondary psychopathy traits. The two other ones more emotionally impaired. The first one lacks both emotional and intellectual empathy. Had he not been spoilt, he could have appeared as simply Asperger. The third one is extremely manipulative, envious and destructive (constantly triangulating). She was probably neglected by her mother. She’s the sister of the first one and of the second one’s ex. So patterns run in families, which makes me conclude there’s a psycho-geneological aspect to it. And a strong genetical predisposition.

Having come across a few other narcs, I’ve observed that some of them aggregate and exploit a familial set of persons around them all their life, probably using FOG (see Susan Forward) and striking the sensitive family cord. The real malignant ones perfectly guess when you have their number. 

Narcs everywhere

So now we’re seeing narcs everywhere, aren’t we ?

Not exactly, as we’re just having a sharper vision in the area of narcissism. All our senses, including the 6th one, can be easily on alert. Is smell the sense related to fear ? Somehow I smell it in the air when there’s one in a room.

1% of NPD ; 10% of narcs ?

10% of persons with as harmful level of narcissism with whom no relationship based on trust, respect and equality is conceivable.

Interacting with narcs…

Narcs play cat-and-mouse games, when they don’t right away show rough disrespect toward neurotypical ones.

I’ve never tried to change narcs, due to an early experience that allowed me to know it would be a waste of time. This hasn’t prevented me from suffering from my neurotypicality ! No witnessind seems to be enough. Being burned once seems to be an inescapable experience. So be it. Better as a thing of the past…

Besides, people can only change of their own freewill and if they feel a need to adjust towards life. Double dead-end there…

Rather, I’ve been unconsciously driven to mirror their behaviours, probably as a way to foolishely protect myself. As a result, it’s given them a taste of their own medicine. They got lost as well, ha ! Which has been equally pointless as it hasnt protected me…

With the last one I met, one that’s been my boss for a year, I’ve tried another positioning  : submissiveness, approval, silence rather than any disapproval. Note that I was relatively invulnerable, thanks to internal past status, and it has been easy for him to triangulate and play power games to the detriment of a third person. I’ve learnt about how they have a distorted view of human relationships, never entering them with trust and appreciation. Based on the premise that their fellow is bad, they love power games and, sometimes but not necessarily, ganging up. With this particular world view, they seek  moments of sick and ridiculous pleasure. The experience has not been satisfying to me. Trust from the other side was fragile. I’ve felt some kind of compassion and frustration for the lack of depth we find in such individuals. As positions of power are obviously more often swarming with them than not, we have to play the game and with our boundaries to gain access to such positions…

On a personal level, such individuals are a bore and hard to bear. Lots of them are divorcees if they’re not married to dependant persons. Therefore the second-hand market is risky as you never know whether you’re dealing with a narc or a victim of a narc. Be careful and use discernment before you feel with your heart.

To conclude, the only contribution of such interactions is that you learn about yourself at the same time. In the end, no time spent is entirely pointless.